I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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