THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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