the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she peed on how many people?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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