when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
