Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
