5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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