i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
