My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
