There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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