it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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