Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
