Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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