If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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