Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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