So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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