So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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