Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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