had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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