he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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