I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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