Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
