You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize