He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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