You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fuck appropriateness.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
