I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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