The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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