his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
