My first STD was from a foam party
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
