i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
