THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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