Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
