hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
