and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
