The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
