There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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