if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
