Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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