Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
