I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
