your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
