we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
