she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
