Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
