i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
