i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
