I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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