UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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