A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
