I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
