when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
