the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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