Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
