when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
