Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
