Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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