I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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