You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
