I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
