Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Shame - the story of my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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