He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
