she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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