Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
