I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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