Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize