I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
