he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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