i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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