Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
