I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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