I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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