what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
