By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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