Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
